Not so much photography

Shot my cousins wedding not too long ago. It went decently well. I'll get around to posting some pictures soon.

Now is more of a venting session I suppose. Went to the docs today with my normal attitude of I'll be fine nom after what. Turns out that is not the case. As of today I am in kidney failure and it was suggested to be admitted to the hospital for yet another biopsy and possible treatment. With the way things have been I doubt a rejection so the way I see it is I have a shelf life now. Which I might add is not very long. Curse words such as dialysis and "the list" we're mentioned in today's meeting. Everything is scheduled for Monday. If anyone reading is willing to donate a kidney let me know lol.

Happy fucking holidays.

Oh how relationships have changed since the 70's

It is becoming more and more apparent how much I screwed up. Also how true it is that you only miss someone when they are gone. These days Gum lasts longer than most relationships and it is thoroughly discouraging. It takes Internet dating services to put two people together instead of finding that person you want to spend the rest of your life with the "old fashioned way" of meeting someone then becoming friends etc. As I have said before priorities change it's sad when they don't realize the importance they are. At the same time I am forcing myself to realize that the moon has set and I can't see my own hand in front of my face. Light up my world with even a flicker of the beacon that once was.

Please don't promise me forever

I want us to love each other one day at a time...
... And string those days together like the precious things they are...
... Instead of trying too hard and promising too much.
Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving.
There are times when I will be cold
and thoughtless
and hard to understand.

But it will only be because of the weather, or the flu, or one of my moods
... not because I love you less. Please remember that.
Please don't think about all the things that could happen to us.
Don't think about other people coming between us.
Don't think about outgrowing eachother or growing out of love.

Please do think about al the good things that could happen to us.
Think of growing closer to each other,
finding new reasons for being together...
... and think of loving. I will, too. I am right now.

Please don't get mad at me if I forget your birthday,
or some special day we share...
... and please remember that there is an "everydayness"
about what we have that is beyong birthdays and anniversaries
That's why, sometimes, I may not remember on special day...
... because all our days are special to me.

Please don't ever sign a letter "as ever"
Please don't be too easy on me ...
Or expect me to be easy on you.
Both of us have room to grow,
and both of us have to grow if we want to hold each other's love
Please don't ever give me too much of yourself
or take too much of me.
In our togetherness, we still need our private places.

Please listen to me, when I'm talking to you...
... and please don't ever think about someone else when I kiss you
Please don't start an argument
or make me look foolish in front of other people...
... but when we're alone
don't feel like you're walking on eggs.
Go ahead and say what you think.
if I need telling off, tell me off
Then we can have our fight
and make up
and love again
just us.

Please remember to call me sometimes for no reason
except that you feel me thinking about you, needing your voice
Please don't ever lose that laugh of yours-
It's such a real laugh.
And never change the way you brush my hair back from my eyes
and smile when I'm trying to be very serious...
or the little odd ways you have of saying things that make you "you"
one of a kind,
the one I love.

Please, lets not use politeness
And busyness and silence
to avoid our problems
and the places where we hurt if something is wrong,
lets go after it and make it right.
It's a good feeling to think of growing older with you
but please, let's not ever grow old
I want us to always hang on to the newness
that we have right now.
And lets never be ashamed of our innocence,
of the child within us.
Lets never give up our dreams.
Please don't try keep it from me when you're feeling down
I'll never be able to share your joy if you try protect me from your sadness
Please don't ever say never...
... and please don't promise me forever
All I ask
is that you love me
now.

And please know that I love you more today then I ever had before.
I can't promise you forever,
but I can promise you today with the hope and belief
that there is a beautiful tomorrow in store for us.


1976 Rick Lyons